Alternative Girlfriend – by Oxy

“So, what are we doing here again?” I asked.

The date/non-date had been going badly since she turned up. I had been waiting for her in the middle of Soho, under the Raymond Revue bar neon sign.

Even during the day the streets of Soho, like most of London, are busy. So i wasn’t exactly sure how i was going to recognise her, having never met her before.

But as she came round the corner I instantly knew it was her.

Short, thin, little black glasses with her dark hair tucked under them. I’d say she had some Spanish blood in her. And she had a pissed off look on her face that is usually only seen on woman after they have meet me,

“Your Alex?” she asked.

“Yeah. Good to meet you”

“I hate this fucking town” she said, not stopping to shake hands, walking down the road towards a coffee shop.

“You OK?” i asked

She spun round

“Some fucking asshole just asked me how much i charge. He thought I was a hooker. Do i fucking look like a hooker to you?”


Her face flushed red


I raised my hands and waved her off

“I wasn’t going to say you looked like a hooker, only that you’re really well dressed and really attractive. It’s possible, giving that this is Soho, that he thought you were a high class call girl.”

“So you DO think i look like a hooker?” she screamed, startling the passers by.

“No. I think you look like a perfectly normal attractive woman. I’m just saying what he might have thought”

She stared at me for a moment then turned and went into the shop. A few minutes later we were sitting by the window, coffee warming our hands.

This is what lead me to asking the question

“So, what are we doing here again?”

She sipped on her coffee, looking at me like an idiot.

“OK idiot, didn’t Sally explain what’s going on?”

“well kinda but I’m hazy on some details”

She rolled her eyes and put her cup down.

“I’ve been living in London for a year now since moving from Spain,” Mental nod from me “and to keep my parents from worrying about me i told them that i had a boyfriend that’s looking after me. But now they are coming to visit and i need someone to pretend to be my boyfriend. Sally owes me a favour and she suggested you as you owe her a favour”

I really did owe Sally a favour, a big one. Hiding bodies type big.

“Yeah yeah,” i said “I get all that, but aren’t they coming next week? Why are we meeting now?”

“Because, numb nuts, I want us to look like a convincing couple. If we don’t even know what we take in each other’s coffee then we are not going to look very convincing as a couple. So i wanted to meet up with you, spend some time and try and get you to act like I’m your girlfriend and see if it will work”

I nodded and called the waitress over to pay the bill

“In that case, there`s this place you have to come and see”

On the underground we exchanged info.

I’ve got 2 brothers, she has 2 sisters.

I love seafood and she gets sick if she eats cheese.

I like POV porn and she didn’t want to know that.

A couple of minutes later and we were standing outside the Sun in Splendor pub in Notting Hill.

“Here we are,” I said, waving her through the door.

It’s a great little pub, old fashion and with a giant mirror over the bar so that even with your back to the windows you can still see outside. Oh and the bar staff are usually really cute and Canadian.

“What do you want to drink?” i asked


“No, seriously, what do you want to drink?”

“I only drink water and coffee. I don’t drink any alcohol. I thought I told Sally to tell you that?”

I shrugged

“Well, yeah, she said that. But you lied about having a boyfriend so i thought you might be lying about that as well”

There was that angry look on her face

“Why you arrogant, stupid…..”

Before she had a chance to say any more i took her by the arm and steered her out to the beer garden

“2 pints, back in a min” i shouted to the barmaid.

“Don’t think that dragging me out here is gonna stop me from shouting at you”

I looked around the small beer garden, empty as always at this time of day. Empty and secluded.

“OK, look” i said, my hands on her shoulders “I think we got off to a bad start, what with the hooker thing and everything. So here’s a suggestion, you want me to act like your boyfriend? How about you turn round and let me fuck you?”

I thought her face was going to explode

“Its my experience that with my girlfriends in the past, a good hard fuck gets rid of any anger they might have at me. So, if im gonna treat you like my girlfriend then we should fuck”

“If you think I’m gonna let you….” she started

My hand slipped down and started to unbuckle my jeans

“We can either fuck or you can stand there looking angry at me. And along with Asian girls and girls wearing ties, angry women are one of my biggest turn ons, so if your not gonna fuck I’m just going to jerk off and cum over you expensive Christian Louboutin shoes”

For a minute i thought she was either going to hit me or walk away, but then she turned round, spread her hands out on the wall and thrust her ass back at me

Within seconds i had her skirt up and my cock rubbing against her panties (from coco de Mer if I’m not mistaken)

“No” she gasped “Not there”

Her hand reached down and lifted me up, my cock now rubbing against her asshole

“Oh right, no protection”

Her head shook

“No, i just like anal. You would know that if you were my boyfriend”

But probably not mention it to her folks.

And when she said she liked anal, she wasn’t kidding. As i pushed into her i could hear her fingers scraping against the wall and a low growl from her throat, but she pushed back hard until my entire length was in her

“Hard, don’t hold back” she urged

My hand reached round and slipped under her top, my fingers pinching her nipple. She moaned louder, although that might have been from my cock hammering her ass.

“You seem to be liking that” i whispered into her ear “Maybe you are slutty enough to be one of my girlfriends”

“Bastard” she groaned, her hands reaching back and grabbing me, pulling me into her. Then “Cum on my face”

I pulled back and she dropped to her knees, shoes scraping on the pebbles.

The look of her hungry mouth inches from my cock was too much and I started cumming over her lips.

The pub door banged open and Dave, the pubs resident old codger stood staring at us. Me with my trousers on the floor, her with my cum over her face

“Hi Dave” i smiled weakly

“Hi Alex,” he replied “Hooker?”

“High class call girl” she growled from below me.

And that’s how I ended up pretending to be her boyfriend for a week.

But how i ended up flying to Spain with her…..that’s another story.

Published by Oxy and Phedre

We (because we are a we) are a team of dirty minded individuals who are keen to make all your wet and wildest fantasies come life using the art of the written language.

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